


I Think I'm Okay

by GhostHost



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, BDSM mention, Consent Issues, Happy Ending, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rarepair, Self-Esteem Issues, Whirl isn't a good guy but hes not gonna stand for this shit either
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:55:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28849401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostHost/pseuds/GhostHost
Summary: “We were just having fun.” Atomizer says, but the words have a thread of doubt in them, one that widens as Trailbreaker doesn’t get up.“Fun you are ruining.” Getaway snarls, plating flared and spike swinging as he takes an aggressive step forward.And yeah, Whirl is definitely gonna cut it off.
Relationships: Atomizer/Trailbreaker/Getaway, Whirl/Trailbreaker
Comments: 20
Kudos: 81





	I Think I'm Okay

**Author's Note:**

> We’re working on re-aliving my writing. As part of the jump-start, here’s the finished version of my writing warm up I’ve been working on for a solid 6 months. Not sure where the poem came from here, I’m not usually one to write one, but in this case we’ll call this a secret writing of Whirl’s. 
> 
> Warnings: Rape/assault (specifically this goes into a situation were consent is given at first but later withdrawn, and the other two parties involved ignore it.) Whirl being a jackass to Teebs at times and just generally being himself though I write him a bit rougher here than I usually do, BDSM mention and two idiots going into BDSM the bad way at first, Trailbreaker has a horrible view of himself/his worth, Getaway’s an Actual Asshole TM.

Can you become something you’re not?

They told me to change. 

xXx

There’s something dripping down the walls. 

Whirl’s pretty sure it’s not energon. Not water either. 

It’s some kind of purple liquid, one that supposedly, is leaking from the engine room. 

Except the engine room is _ below  _ the fifth floor. The very same floor Whirl is currently on.

What he _ is _ below is Brainstorm’s hidden lab. Of course, that’s not something he can admit to knowing, nor is the text he sent several minutes ago informing one of the few friendly people he’s known (not his friend, never his friend) something he will admit to doing. 

Those are secrets. 

Unlike his life, this ship or the mission it's supposedly on, Whirl respects secrets. 

He raises one claw, swipes it through the liquid. Bringing it close to his face he plays a noise from the long list of ones he keeps, the recordings that recover how damaged his vocalizer truly is. This sound is a sniffing noise.

Whirl does not have a nose.

“Ain’t anything we need to be concerned with.” He says aloud, turning towards Trailbreaker. “You can make a note of it, but Mags will just yank us into his office the second he finds out, then grill us stupid. I say we wipe it off and clock out." 

Trailbreaker stares unconvinced at the wall. 

“I dunno…” He says, trailing off, his arms crossed. Or rather, he wants people to think they’re crossed. Really he’s hugging himself, and Whirl is doing the polite thing by pretending not to notice.

"Come on. We've almost done, we’ve only got fifteen to go. You know if we report this it's just gonna make our night longer." While wheedles, knocking an elbow into the Jeep’s side. 

The guy's insecure as shit, but he’s always down for a drink. Those two things make him easy to maneuver, something Whirl takes shameless advantage of.

It helps that everything he just said is undeniably true. 

Teebs takes a deep vent, and then another immediately after. “Okay.” He says finally, and Whirl whoops in triumph, raising his arms above his head. 

“To the bar!” He yells. Trailbreaker laughs nervously behind him, but his optics linger on the wall. 

::You said the liquid was purple?:: Brainstorm comms in, and Whirl responds by sending him a hastily snapped picture. 

One would think his pics would be shitty, considering they’re taken with his singular optic, but Whirl’s had more than one illegal mod installed. The pic he sends is so psychotically high quality that Rewind would drool if he caught a glimpse. 

::It gonna be a problem?:: Whirl commed back. He’s made a beeline directly for the bar, Teebs on his heels, high grade already in sight. 

It better not be a problem. 

::Don’t think so, but just in case, don’t drink too much.:: Comes the response and Whirl groans aloud, ignoring the looks it gets him. 

“Ay yo, Swerve! Gimme two over here!” He calls, ignoring the way the minibot also groans at his arrival. 

People groan whenever he goes anywhere anymore, which quite frankly, is an improvement over both the stony silences he used to get. 

(And even that is better than being confined to his room 24/7, a trick Whirl knows Mags would never pull only because it breaks regulations. 

Even then though, he’s thankful for it.

He just won’t ever admit it.) 

Brainstorm never calls. 

The problem goes away. 

And Whirl is thus free to act as he pleases, which in this case, involves bringing Trailbreaker home for the evening. 

xXx

Spiders crawl inside my brain.

I didn’t put them there.

But someone did.

xXx

Trailbreaker fucks like he has something to prove. 

Which well, he does. Or at least, he thinks he does. 

The Jeep’s self esteem is so low that he’s regularly let Whirl pick him up, and at this point it’s become something of a regular thing. 

An expectation, almost. 

Go on shift, take Teebs to a bar, get drunk, take Teebs back to his hab, fuck until they’re satisfied and then stumble home to his own habsuit to repeat the whole process the next time they're on shift together. 

Predictable.

Whirl hates that. Being predictable, getting on a schedule. He hates letting anyone close to him, hates the fact that someone might think he actually  _ likes _ Teebs. 

You know, as more than a casual fuck. 

_ (As a weak point.) _

He’s well past the point where he should have changed up, found somebody else desperate and sad enough to get involved with. That pissy yellow lamborgini looked like a good choice--Whirl’s pretty sure he can goad the guy into a good rage fuck. 

Except Teebs isn’t like that.

Whirl doesn’t know how to explain it, other than the guy’s expectations don’t even  _ exist _ . He expects Whirl to up and leave him at any second, an idea the ‘Copter doesn’t exactly shoot down. Trailbreaker’s surprised every single time that Whirl walks inside his hab, and screws like he’s desperate to prove he exists. 

To show that this at least, he can do. 

It’s cute, in a pathetic way. Teebs doesn’t kiss. Barely even looks at Whirl during the act. He doesn’t say goodbye when Whirl leaves, he doesn’t beg for more than he got. Whatever Whirl wants, Whirl gets. 

Twice the ‘Copter’s purposefully given him a bad lay. Got his own and left without giving Teebs his. Purposefully pulled off at a time guaranteed to frustrate him.

The mech didn’t say a fucking word.

It’s a rare thing, to encounter desperation like this. So rare that Whirl doesn’t believe it.

Starts pushing it.

Soon they’re doing things they shouldn’t. There’s toys but no safe word. There’s rough play with no caresses, degradation and humiliation with no affirmations. 

There’s aftercare, but that’s only because even Whirl can’t bring himself to abandon a mech afterwords like others have abandoned him. Not without making sure  _ some _ part of Teebs is alright. 

This goes on for so long that Whirl almost gets bored of it. 

They end up circling in and out of vanilla sex, done over what has to be months but feels like years. They learn each other, and Whirl, despite his pushing, respects the boundaries he finds even when Trailbreaker is so clearly adamant on not giving voice to any. 

He’s respectful, even if they’re going about this in all the wrong ways. 

Throughout the whole thing Trailbreaker doesn’t complain once.

He doesn’t ask Whirl to stop. He doesn’t tell him it's too much. He doesn’t beg or get weirdly attached. There’s no awkward relationship conversation, no questions or discussions relating to dating, or titles, or “what are we’s.” No offer to hang out later, to date, to sit next to each other at movie night. If he crosses a line he apologizes and immediately goes right back into doing something he knows is safe. 

Whirl’s never encountered it before. 

He blames that as for the reason why he never realized Trailbreaker was letting other people do the same thing. 

xXx

I’m not lost.

I got left behind.

You wouldn't come back for me either.

xXx

_ Fact; _ Whirl’s an asshole. 

_ Fact; _ He’s done things no one would be proud of, including manipulative bullshit aimed at people he claims are friends. This is because Whirl doesn’t actually have friends, just people he annoys by calling them that.

_ Fact _ ; For all his jackassery, Whirl would never cross a line laid down during sex. 

The ‘Copter isn’t nice. He’s not a good person, not someone you should trust--but he also understands boundaries. 

He’s pushed Trailbreaker, but he’s also watched him. He changed things up last minute when the idiot looked too uncomfortable, he checked in when the guy’s optics got a little too wide and vacant. It’s not in the way this  _ should _ be done. Trailbreaker won’t speak up, won’t tell him no and that’s not  _ healthy. _

It’s not what the other mechs did to Whirl though. 

It’s pushy, but not forceful. It’s dangerous, but it’s  _ managed.  _

Whirl’s fucked around with the Jeep long enough that he felt fine continuing on, confident he’s not piling on trauma to the guy’s pretty impressive pile. Trailbreaker might not say shit, but Whirl does, and he does it in a way that it makes it clear it's always his fault,  _ his  _ problem, Not Teebs. If something goes wrong, then the ‘Copter’s the one to blame.

“I’m not in the mood for that right now.” He says one day. 

“That ain’t doing it, sit on my spike instead.” He says another. 

Teebs never says a damn thing, just looks quietly relieved, and it’s not a problem.

Just involves a partner who pays attention, is all, and it’s not like that’s hard. 

Then Whirl gets stuck with an extra security shift as punishment for glueing Mag’s door shut, and ends up down in Red Alert’s old area, trying to make way to what’s now Trailbreaker’s combination office/habsuite. 

“Kay loser, guess who's stuck with me today--” He sing-songs, kicking the door open, and there’s Teebs.

Face down, aft up, with Atomizer’s spike deep in his valve and Getaway fragging the shit out of his mouth. Frantic choking sounds, the bad kind, are spilling from him, hands tied behind his back the way he and Whirl tried once, the way that made the darker mech’s whole frame tense up in panic.

Golden optics land on Whirl, and they’re absolutely flooded with pain and liquid tears. 

Oh  _ hell no. _

“Uh--” Atomizer says, freezing, his fingers gripped so tightly around the blockier mech’s hips that there’s fragging  _ dents.  _

“Can’t you knock, Whirl?” Getaway snarls over him. Unlike Atomizer, he doesn’t stop. “Or do the claws stop you from being fragging polite too?” 

If rage hadn’t already flooded Whirl’s field, that'd have done it. The larger mech finds himself across the room in seconds. Atomizer stumbles back, ripping himself out of Trailbreaker in a way that could not have been comfortable, but Whirl will deal with him in a minute. 

Right now he’s attention’s on Getaway, who he always thought had a screw loose, and who he is very much looking forward to beating the optics out of. 

Getaway expects it and rips his spike out of Trailbreaker’s mouth, the latter shooting back, sputtering.

The asshole doesn’t even recall his spike, let alone spare a glance at Teebs. He squares up just as he is, and Whirl clicks his pincers warningly, more than happy to remove the offending appendage from the spy’s body. 

“Nah, see you were loud enough to wake up half the lower levels being rough, I thought I’d come join you. I do  _ love _ being rough.” He says, voice threatening. 

He can see Atomizer shoot the open door a look, panic edging into his optics. 

Good.

“Unless you and bootleg Rodimus over there only like nailing mechs you can’t force a yes from.” Whirl adds. 

Now the panicked looks gone to Trailbreaker, as if seeing the black mechs state for the first time. 

_ ‘That’s right buddy.’ _ Whirl thinks smugly.  _ ‘Anybody could have come along and heard you. And now if they do, they’re gonna hear me air all your dirty secrets too.’  _

“We were just having fun.” Atomizer says, but the words have a thread of doubt in them, one that widens as Trailbreaker doesn’t get up, but instead crawls back on the berth he was lying on, putting his back and hands to the wall. 

He’s still shaking. 

That panicked look deepens as reality sinks in, and Atomizer realizes how badly he’s fucked up. 

“Fun you are  _ ruining _ .” Getaway snarls, plating flared and spike swinging as he takes an aggressive step forward. 

Oh yeah, Whirl is definitely gonna cut it off. 

Getaway’s a good spy, and he’s playing a decent role of being Angry Not Guilty, but Whirl’s seen how mechs act when they’ve been caught out doing something horrible. 

Atomizer, Whirl knows, in the way that only someone with too much experience can, will deny, apologize, and blame others. He might be pressed into saying something dumb, something like “We just got carried away” but he won’t ever accept that this was just as much his fault as anyone elses.

Getaway, on the other hand, will fight despite blatant evidence, that the entire thing never happened. Because that’s what slimey, charismatic mechs did. 

They charmed their way out, and when that didn’t work, they threatened, attacked and outright killed to keep their secrets. 

Both of them would drag this out, make Trailbreaker out as the one unstable and the two of them perfectly innocent. 

Or they would have, if Whirl hadn’t been the one to come across ‘em. 

He gets halfway through envisioning nailing Getaway’s spike to a plaque and hanging it on his wall like a hunting trophy when the telltale buzz of close quarter comms comes to life.

It’s one of those frequency things humans couldn’t hear, but to a mech worth half his weight it’s as obvious as a cell phone ringing. 

The caller’s identity isn’t a mystery either. The buzz leads right to Atomizer. 

Whatever he says must have some merit--and likely more than a bit of paranoia--as Getaway cuts a quick glance over to Trailbreaker. 

“You’ve in fact, ruined my time entirely.” Getaway says, plating slicking back to normal as he--finally!--recalls his sad stick of a spike. “A time Atomizer and Trailbreaker were enjoying too, right?” This time his whole head turns as he stares cuttingly into the black Jeep.

Whirl has to fight down the urge to jump him then and there, knowing that’s likely what Getaway wanted. 

“We like playing rough but we never do anything anyone doesn’t want. If they didn’t want it, they’d  _ say so _ . We wouldn’t be so  _ popular _ otherwise. ” The words are a warning, Whirl can hear it plain as day. 

Judging by Trailbreaker’s face, he’d heard it too. 

“Unlike some people.” Getaway continues, his head swiveling back to give the same glare to Whirl. 

It has zero effect.

“We’re not the mechs known for violence. We’re not  _ you.”  _

Tracks of liquid are spilling down Trailbreaker’s face and that was as good an invitation as any. 

Quicker than Getaway could react, Whirl cocked an elbow and swung. 

xXx

The spiders left a long time ago 

But I act like they’re still there.

I didn’t want the damage they caused

But I didn’t want to fix myself either. 

xXx 

There’s energon all over his optic. Whirl can’t taste it, doesn’t even have a mouth for it to drip into, but somehow the metallic tang’s there anyways. 

He doesn’t ask Trailbreaker if he’s okay.

Instead he helped him get the ropes off, and once done, promptly sits his aft on the floor in a slump. 

Mechs, he’s learned, find him less threatening when he’s on the floor.

“You know they’re gonna go runnin’ to Mags.” He says casually, and pretends he doesn’t see Trailbreaker cringe down, curling in on himself on the berth. 

“They’re gonna say I came in here, got jealous of you or some shit.” He lets that hang in the air a minute, let the darker mech absorb it. 

That this isn’t over yet. 

“If you want.” Whirl offers, and here he rolls his helm, looking not at Trailbreaker but up at the ceiling of the mech’s hab, “I’ll go along with their version.” 

“Why would you do that?” It’s muffled by the blanket Teebs is clutching, the material over his mouth but Whirl’s listening close enough to catch it.

He snorts. Or rather, he plays a soundclip of a snort. 

“Makes it easier on you, duh. Then you don’t have to answer any questions. If you want to take this somewhere though, I’ll back you up.” Unspoken is that Whirl is a loose cannon, constantly in trouble and his words mean nothing.

Not to anyone who matters, anyway. 

Trailbreaker doesn’t say anything for a while. After the fight Whirl had slammed the door closed, a barrier between them and anyone else. They likely don’t have long though--this is the kinda thing that would send Mags running.

Particularly because poor Trailbreaker is still stuck in the room with Whirl.

It’d be better for them both if he left, but that would involve forcing Teebs to pick a story then and there, to get them both on the same page, and frankly, Whirl’s selfish.

He doesn’t want to leave Teebs unguarded, alone, right this second. 

(Maybe he doesn’t want to be alone either right then but that’s not a thought he let himself have for long.)

“Whatcha wanna do Teebs? It’s okay if it’s nothing, I can just tell Mags to go fuck himself.” Whirl says with a shrug. Because he can. Makes more work for him, but he knows how to play it.

How to be a good enough villain to keep the attention on himself instead of anyone else. 

“You know you use a lot of Earth-English swear words?” Teebs mutters, and Whirl blinks his optic. It’s a reaction he trained into himself, makes him appear a bit more expressive. 

“I always liked that. About you.” The Jeep continues, after a vent, fingers picking at the thin electric blanket he’s pulled over his lap. "You're a lot nicer than people think you are."

Which, ha, is very much a lie, but Whirl ain't gonna call him on it right now. 

“Do you think--” and Whirl knew he was building this up into a question, working to screw up courage not everyone had after this kind of attack. 

“--Do you think they’d believe me? Even if I didn’t, even if I never--” His courage freezes there, his words along with them. 

Whirl hears them anyway.

He considered the question, then the answer. He’s asked himself this question more than once. The answer was usually “No.” 

But that was before Ultra Magnus. Before Ratchet, and Rodimus, and all the rest.

“If you were the one to say it? Yeah, I think they would.” He says it slow, testing the words out to make sure they ring true.

They do. 

Trailbreaker nods, taking in a heavy vent. 

“You could sit. Up here. If you wanted.” He says suddenly, the words broken. 

“You know I’m covered in energon.” Whirl replies, matter of factly.

Trailbreaker scrunches his face, but then glances down at himself. “I’m covered in--” He cuts himself off, looks away. “Nevermind.” Regret splashes through his field, along with other emotions and oh no, nope, Whirl ain’t allowing that to happen today too, thank you!

It was bad enough he hadn't gotten there in time, didn't know how long this had been going on, but he had to focus in the now. 

Later, he'd deal with Getaway and Atomizer. 

“Hey you still wanna cuddle mech, we can cuddle. We’re both just gonna look real gross after. Actually,” Whirl tilts his helm, pretends to think. “That might gross Mags out enough to make one of those screwed up, shocked faces. You know the ones that look like this.” Whirl turns his blank, expressionless helm towards the Jeep, clapping his claws to each side in mock surprise.

The joke does its job, getting a half hysterical giggle. 

“Yeah okay.” Trailbreaker says finally and Whirl unfolds himself, clambering up and onto the berth. 

Teebs is hesitant to touch at first, so Whirl just casually holds up an arm, a physical invitation. He leaves it up until Trailbreaker gives in and squishes himself into his side. Puts his head down, letting it rest on Whirl’s cockpit’s edge. 

They stay like that, neither saying anything, fields casually meshing together until the pounding comes at the door, followed by Mag’s shouting and inputting his override codes. 

“Are you okay?” Ultra Magnus says, every inch the Enforcer, Drift right on his heels. 

Of course  _ he’d  _ ask that.

Teebs sits up, unfurling from Whirl’s embrace. 

“No. I have an incident I need to report.” Trailbreaker says, and there’s a strength in his words that the ‘Copter hasn't heard come out of him. “But Whirl stays here while I do it.” 

Mags cocks an optic ridge, but does as the darker mech requests. 

Even if he clearly has to ram the angry speech Whirl could see him wanting to give right back down his throat.

xXx

I’m not going to pretend that the spiders weren’t there.

Or that I wasn’t changing

I’m just choosing who I turn into. 

xXx 

“Hey Teebs, Whirl!” Swerve calls, a smile lighting up his visor. 

That’s weird.

But things kinda have been, since that shit with Getaway.

Whirl hadn’t bothered to ask Trailbreaker if that was a regular thing. He kept a closer eye on the spy and his third-party reject of a partner. Had picked up on a few patterns. 

The kind that said they didn’t just go after Teebs. 

Mags hadn’t exactly believed them, but the Jeep had no reason to lie. Drunkard or not, his account of what had gone down couldn’t be disproven. 

Neither could Getaway and Atomizer’s.

Things came down to a he-said stalemate, not the first kind Whirl had been involved in. 

It was however, the first time the other party had been scrutinized just as closely as he was. 

So Whirl had withheld. Swallowed his rage and saved it, for a later date.

When the optics drifted off the two mechs, when they had relaxed enough to think they were okay...

Then, and only then, would Whirl strike. 

Trailbreaker waved, making his way to the bar. Whirl followed suit, a part of him still amazed the Jeep wanted anything to do with him.

He hadn’t thought he would, after witnessing what he had. 

Then again, he hadn’t thought mechs would start treating him a bit better. Looking at him instead of outright dismissing. As if they were trying to figure out what else he might not have been lying about, as the story made its way round the _Lost Light._

These kinds of stories always did, though Trailbreaker was handling that part better than anyone would have thought.

Whirl didn’t push Teebs too hard. Let the mech process things on his own. Figure it out while being there to be the support he himself never had. 

Do the things that made a mech feel better, something that was always different for everyone. 

It'd be a long road. Longer than even Teebs thought. The darker mech had tried to initiate sex fairly soon--too soon--and Whirl had turned him down.

It’d been the most awkward talk of his life, the Jeep bawling on Whirl’s berth, asking if Whirl still wanted him, trying to reassure him it was okay if he didn’t, that he wasn’t worth much to begin with and now he wasn’t worth anything at all and Whirl rushing to reassure him that no it absolutely wasn’t anything like that and not a single thing he’d just said was true, that Whirl himself just couldn't do it right then and tripping over his words so many times he might as well have been a mess himself. 

Then he, of all mechs, suggested they have a safeword. 

They were getting through all that though. 

Well enough that Trailbreaker could finally crack a smile now and then. 

Good enough that when the smaller, bulkier mech had managed to get out a question that might have been “What do you think about going steady?” Whirl didn’t outright think it was a joke.

_ (Okay maybe he did.  _

_ But he didn’t reject the offer either.)  _

“What are you two having today? The usual?” Swerve says, and he’s never paid attention to Whirl’s orders before. 

But then, he supposes that’s part of the change. 

The one he’s not sure he’s ready for--but is doing anyway.

xXx

I didn’t do this because of you.

I did it because of who you made me want to be. 

xXx 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
